Hi everyone, it’s Pat Mussieux here, and I’m coming to you today with a really important topic. This is relevant to any of you who run a business, whether you’re a small business owner, a solopreneur in particular – I want to talk to you today, and actually, to anybody in general who has friends and family in their life who are dealing with a critical illness.

I usually come to these Facebook Lives with index cards, but I actually have pages of notes today, and I did that because there are some key things that I want to share, based on some of the lessons that I’ve learned over the past year. In particular, the past few months, but I sat down this morning and I decided I’m going to write a very long blog post on the topic of cancer, business owners, and best friends, and I will do that, but for my Facebook Live today, I wanted to cover three specific areas, so I am going to be talking to you from a business perspective and I’m going to talk to you from the perspective of self, and also as a best friend. I always talk in threes, so that’s what I’m going to do.

When I was printing this off, it just reminded me Saturday, when I was reading the eulogy for my friend Wanda – many of you know, if you’re following me, that Wanda, my very best friend, my soul sister, passed away last week, and so it was a very long, difficult, four-year battle for her with ovarian cancer. This past year was difficult, but this past month, there are really no words to describe the experience. When I printed all this off it, on Saturday when I stepped up to read the eulogy, I know Pastor Rob and others were looking, thinking oh my God, she’s got a book there and she’s going to be there forever. It was just large print so I could read it through the tears, which is what I’m going to do today too, and so it’s not going to take forever but really is important, so listen up, take notes, and please hit the share button.

I want to talk to you about the cancer journey from the perspective of a having a critical illness, owning and running a business, and supporting a best friend. For all of you who are on here already, this may be the most important segment. It’s at the end and I’m going to start with the business part, but let me preface my key points by explaining that this was no ordinary friendship with Wanda.

I met Wanda when I first moved to London, about 11 years ago, and she was one of the first to reach out to me and welcome me to a new city, a new church, and a new circle. As some of you can appreciate, moving to a new city in your mid-50s, as a divorced woman, as an entrepreneur with no clients, no money, no friends, it’s not the easiest thing in the world, and what a blessing for me that one of the first people that I get to meet is Wanda McKay. She reached out to me and I welcomed her friendship. We’re both divorced, we’re both living alone, and running a business, so these are three key points that I’m going to weave through the comments that I’m going to make today, which will help you understand the intimacy and the closeness of the friendship.

So that did create a tight bond right at the beginning, and as the years went by, we both got hit with life challenges, big stuff, and our friendship, as a result, grew in leaps and bounds. For many of you who are in your 50s, in your 60s, you know that this can be a very challenging time of life, with ageing parents and with illness all around, and it blows me away the number of people who are dealing with cancer. It’s prevalent, it’s everywhere, and I’m going to address that when I get down to the third segment.

Getting back to Wanda, I remember when she was first diagnosed four years ago. It was a Monday night. I knew she was going to the doctor – to a specialist, to get some test results, because she hadn’t been feeling well, and I made her promise to call me when she got home so we could talk about it, because that’s what friends do.

It was a Monday night. I remember because I was on the couch, in my pajamas with my tea, getting ready for Dancing With the Stars. As promised, she called me, but not from home. She called me from the car, and after some very small talk, she said to me, “I have cancer.” Well if that doesn’t send a shock wave through my system and through hers, and so I hopped in the car, complete with pajamas, drove over to her house. I met her there, we sat down, and the conversation was, “Okay, let’s create a plan. We’re going to fight this thing and we’re going to do it together.”

Cancer sucks. That’s all I have to say. Cancer sucks, people. For the past four years, we stuck together. Yes, she has many circles of friends, she had business associates, she has adult children. The thing was I had the flexibility and the ability to be with her in those early stages of the battle. God bless her children, who are absolutely amazing. They’re single working moms, cancer can be a long, hard battle, and when you’re working, that’s difficult. As a business owner, I had the flexibility. I had the team support and the client support to be able to be there with her, by her side, so for the past four years that’s what I did.

I took her to every chemo appointment, and about six months ago, we were driving there and she said to me, “You know, you have a business to run. You can just leave me at the door.” I said, “Yes, I have a business to run, which gives me the flexibility to have this precious time with a precious friend like you. So I am NOT going to be the one to leave you at the door. I’m coming in.”

So we spent many, many, many intimate hours together in really close conversations. I moved in with her after she had her surgeries because, again, she was living alone and I was living alone. One of those times was over Christmas and it’s one of my fondest memories. I went to every oncology appointment with her. The doctor was a real cutie pie, and I will say, actually, not every oncology appointment because Meadow, her daughter who’s a nurse, agreed that that doctor was a cutie pie, so she went to some of those appointments too.

I brought Wanda meals. I adjusted my calendar so I could go to the cancer support yoga classes with her twice a week and she did everything that she could for self-care. With the yoga classes, you had to have a caregiver with you, so I went. It served both of us, and it was a real honor for me and it was a pleasure for me.

We texted each other every morning and every night to make sure that we were okay for the day, because when you live alone, that’s a real reassuring type of friend to have, and so we did that and so it was, and I elaborate on some of these things just to give you an idea of how close the friendship was and how much of my day that she was. We have other friends, but this was a day-to-day relationship that surpassed all others.

Wanda passed away last week. She had her children by her side and I’m grateful she’s pain-free. She’s doing the happy dance in heaven, and for me, I need to create a new normal. I also wanted to capture and share some of the lessons that I’ve learned, because this experience is not unique these days. Many people, many of you, you have families, you have friends, you have associates who are dealing with cancer, and it might even be you who’s listening to me right now, so here are some of the things I learned on the journey, and I’ll break it into three categories.

One is a business owner, one is a friend, and one for self, so stick with me.

On the business side of things, some of the things I talk about here are relevant in your personal life too, but most especially as business owners, because that’s what Wanda and I talked about. She ran a medium-sized business and she ran it for thirty years, and now, as the sole owner and president, she’s struck with a critical illness that was taking her down, and so there are some things that you need to know as business owners; solopreneurs, in particular.

Listen up and pay attention to me. You’ve got to ensure that you have an up-to-date power of attorney. I have all my envelopes here right now. I wanted to show them to you. You’ve got to have an up-to-date will, an up-to-date power of attorney for your health, an up-to-date power of attorney for your property, and get those in order. You’ve got to let people know where these documents are so they know your wishes, and make sure that your executors are aware and have agreed to the role that they’re going to take on, and then keep these in a safe place.

I just sold my house this summer. I moved into an apartment, and so I updated everything. Take a look at yours. I spoke with some friends just last week who said, “Yes, well, I haven’t updated in about 10 years.” Are you kidding me? Particularly those of you who run a business, that’s so irresponsible for your customers and your clients, so make sure all of those are updated.

Number two, if you’re a solopreneur, in particular, ensure that you have critical illness insurance coverage for the likes of cancer, like Wanda did. It was because she had great coverage that she was able to at least get through the treatments and search out other remedies and options stress-free, knowing that she had that insurance coverage, and make sure you have long term disability insurance coverage. These are two essential things as a business owner, but also as a person, as a parent in particular, so take heed and get that stuff in place.

I know that many of you assume this will never happen to me. Yes, well it does, and it happens to the best of us. Wanda was young. She died at 67. I’m 66. You think that doesn’t cause me to shake my head? And it should you too, so don’t be assuming none of this is going to happen to you, especially these days, with all of our crappy nutrition out there. Obesity is an epidemic, heart attacks, stroke; get your house in order. Heed my words. Please, heed my words.

So the critical insurance, get your affairs in order. Wanda sold her business two years ago so that she could focus her energy and her attention on fighting this disease. Know that tomorrow is promised to no one.

Number three, if you’re a solopreneur, in particular, make sure you have a second signatory on your business bank account. I have to update mine now, so if you’re operating alone and something happens, either a critical illness and/or your death, what happens to your business? So be responsible and make sure you have a second signature on your business bank account.

Lastly in this category, make sure someone knows all the details of your business. I live alone. I work alone. I have a team, yes, but my brother is my executor, so I’ve made sure that my brother and my online business manager know about each other. They know each other’s names, phone numbers, contact information in the event of, and so Denise knows everything about my business, my brother knows everything about Denise, and that’s so important.

I created a document, actually, for my brother, to let him know where I banked, who my accountant was, who my team members are, and my passwords to get into my computer. Make it easy for people to support you. So take heed on that as well, and if you take nothing away from this today, take these three tips as a responsible business owner and go do something about it.

Now, for yourself, I’m going to go into the personal aspect here of these last few years, in particular. All I can say is take care of yourself. Nobody else can do it for you, and what I mean by this is to ensure you have regular medical check-ups. Again, I’ve been talking to friends. This has been an interesting journey, as Wanda and I had lots of discussions, and many of our friends who were saying, “I haven’t been to a doctor in 10 years.” Are you kidding me? Again, take charge of your health. I make sure the week of my birthday that I have regular exams scheduled, I have a complete physical, a mammogram, bone-density, EKG, I have blood work done, and I look at my numbers. I insure that I’m not deficient in vitamin D, and all of those categories. So take care of yourself. It’s your responsibility and it’s your body.

Number two, if you live alone and you work alone, ensure that you have an emergency back up plan. Not just for your business, not just for your financials, but for your own self. I know from experience. Before Christmas, I had severe vertigo over a number of weeks. The first attack actually happened right here in the apartment. This was a new apartment, my phone was in the living room charging and I was in the back on the floor in the bathroom for three hours by myself. I could not get to the phone. I could not move. If any of you have had vertigo, you can appreciate. I was hanging onto that toilet for dear life, feeling like I was being thrown off the face of the earth.

Now, that morning I had a 7 a.m. hair appointment, I had a 9 a.m. TV interview lined up, my calendar was full, and I couldn’t get to anybody. You have to make sure you have an emergency back-up plan. I do now and I’m telling you, so make sure you have that in place.

I do have my tight circle now. I’ll tell you, one of the things that I did do is that I’ve moved my phone and the charging closer to the back of the apartment. I made sure that my friends have keys to my apartment so that they can get in in the event that I text them and say, “Woman down. Come and help me.”

Take a look at your environment. Take a look at your world and make sure that you have all of these backup resources, up-to-date, communicated with and in place.

And take care of your health. Again, I’m always preaching on the five non-negotiables in my daily life. One is nutrition. Skip the fast food crap. It’s not serving you well. Number two is hydration. I’m constantly hydrating. A lot of the issues these days, headaches, illness, and so on, is due to high dehydration, so hydrate. Sleep is number three. So many people are going around sleep-deprived. Take care of yourself, get off of the devices, and get to bed and get some decent sleep. Meditation is another big part of my day. I meditate twice a day, no matter what, and exercise.

Five non-negotiables. Easy peasy once you get into the habit. You just need to decide that you’re worth it, so take a look at those things.

I’m going into the last category, and I want to share with you about being a friend, a real true way of being a good friend. Health challenges, as I said earlier, are hitting many of us, and it might be with our aging parents. I know that one of my clients, her mother fell and broke her arm this weekend. She’s an entrepreneur, of course. One of my friends, her mother fell in broke her arm, and she lives two hours away. I know my associate coach, Susan, her mother was having hip surgery. And many friends have cancer and illnesses.

Here’s what I’ve learned. I know I’m a very good friend. There are some things I know for sure. I wouldn’t be a good accountant, I sure as heck would not be a good nurse, I know that, but there are some things I know for sure, and I am a good friend. You too can up your friend status.

Here’s where I’ve learned the value of friendship, particularly in the last six months with Wanda, and she and I talked about everything. Everything. We talked about funeral arrangements. I can assure you, anybody who was at that funeral on Saturday, they knew that it was Wanda. It was her touch on everything. How responsible of her to do that because she knew that once she passed, how difficult that would be for her children, so God bless her for removing the stress of all of that planning and organizing.

Also, she wanted her life celebrated. She lived a full, fabulous life, and so when we talked, she said to me, “My kids know me as a mother and a grandmother. I am so much more. I have done so much more.” She also was a single working mother and accomplished so much, so she said to me, “Will you help me put together a script, a eulogy on my business accomplishments?” Those of you who follow me know #successhabits. Keep track of your achievements.

We talked about funeral arrangements, we talked about regrets, we talked about her dreams, we talked about what made her proud. I talked about what made her happy. We talked about the concern for her children and how they would be without her presence. They were a tight family. She was an amazing mother and grandmother, amazing, and the best friend ever, so you’ve got to think about where and how you can become the best friend in time of need, not just to the Wandas of the world, but to the circle, to the family, to the grandchildren.

When I visited with Wanda, some of our Bible study friends were sending cards to me for her, and I would bring them to her and read them to her, and such a gracious woman. She even cried. This was just two or three weeks ago, and she said, “Please apologize on my behalf that I’m not able to get back to everyone and thank them.” Such a gracious woman. I wanted to rename her in the last month and call her Grace because she was all about grace.

So how can you be the friend at this particular time? I know, again, I’ve had discussions with people who say, “Well, I don’t want to get in the way and I don’t want to interfere.” I get that, but there is a time and a place, and so we, as women in particular, need to step up to the plate and take charge, so here are some tips. I suggest that you take a look at the household situation because where somebody is in palliative care or hospice care, and the family is visiting and away from the home, life goes on. How can you help with respect to laundry? How can you help with respect to meals? Taking the trash out? Those tasks that need to continue day-to-day. Think about that and think about the little things where you can just go make a difference and get out of the way. There are many ways you can do that.

I chose to make meals because I love to cook. It’s a gift of mine and I know that the family needed nutrition, and nutrition is so key and important, which meant grocery shopping, menu planning, cooking, delivery, and so on, but now that’s one aspect that I could do and do well, and perhaps you could do for friends as well. There are so many ways that you can help keep a household running when somebody is in time of distress like that. Think about the laundry and so on.

One of the other things I did, where there are young grandchildren involved, then this creates chaos around them too, so I decided one Friday night to take the grandchildren out for burgers, just to sit back in a normal Friday night environment and enjoy a burger and a good conversation. It doesn’t always have to be the biggest thing. It can be the small things with a group of you doing it, so think about that. My point is don’t wait to be asked. They have enough on their plate. They have enough on their minds. Don’t wait to be asked. There’s always something that you can do.

One of the things I thought about, too, and this might be helpful to you, I have an Uber account, and when I recognized that the family had been at the bedside for hours, for days, they’re tired. I had offered to expand my Uber account and put them on it so they could just call Uber to get a drive and not even have to think about their address. Put your thinking cap on. Where, when, and how can you help out, whether it comes down to burgers, laundry, or Uber? It doesn’t matter. It’s all very helpful.

Set up a central communication system. It’s really exhausting for family members to be getting messages, text messages, emails, phone calls from so many people, and in Wanda’s case, she had many circles of friends. She had business associates. It was a huge world out there connected to Wanda. That’s exhausting for the family. So, as a friend, step it up again and say, “I’ll be the coordinator. Let me help with that,” and then you can be the point of contact and communication, and then take the responsibility to get the word out to the people who do care and are not sure what to say or what to do.

Again, take charge and be responsible. Send cards. Wanda was still wanting to be connected. She still wanted to know what was going on and who was out there, and it comes down to these three things. Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do I still matter? Because everyone’s life still goes on, so think about sending cards because the cards can be read and they are appreciated.

There are so many small things that you can do. These are just some of the things that I can remember off the top of my head right now. I’m tired too. It has been a tough time, but think about the person and how you can support them, and the family, because there are ways and those ways are appreciated. It just comes down to the smallest little thing.

I do want to end this by saying those of you who reached out to me, because you knew how difficult this experience had been for me too, as the friend, my heartfelt thanks. I really appreciate that you recognized and acknowledge that, and keep that in mind too, as you look out into your own scenarios. There’s a huge hole in my heart and a huge gap in my life, but I celebrate Wanda, who’s now enjoying her retirement, her well-deserved retirement in the arms of our Heavenly Father. So please pray for their family, and what I say to you is be the best friend that you can, a responsible entrepreneur and business owner, and just take good care of you so you can live a long, happy and healthy life. Thanks everyone. Hit the share button. Okay, thanks.