London. Phoenix. Rome. This has been my (travelling) life in the last 2 weeks. Wow – many of you say! How lucky you are, many of you also say.
No doubt about it that I ‘get to’ travel to some incredible places in my life as an entrepreneur. And yes, there are many ‘up-sides’ to all this travel and to the experiences I have in each fabulous city. I’ve created this. I love this.
There are tough times to this too, though. That comment may shock you. That is my intention. Because here’s what you are doing:
YOU ARE COMPARING THE INSIDE OF YOU TO THE OUTSIDE OF ME.
Stop and take that in for a moment. You are comparing the inside of you to the outside of me. Here’s the thing – all you know about me is what you read – what I choose to share and tell you about.
This is the time of year when that comparison is particularly dangerous. I know, for a fact, that many of you are struggling right now – whether it’s because of family issues, the loss of loved ones, cash flow challenges, health problems – I could go on and on. I know that many of you are living vicariously through me. I love that. But please do not compare what is going on in your life to what is happening in mine.
Here’s what I know for sure – and what you may lose sight of right now. We all have problems and issues in our lives. Me, too. I’ve come through some tough years and while I’ve now built a successful business and a pretty fabulous life, I’ve got some ‘stuff’ that I’m dealing with too. As a mindset expert, however, I believe I am well equipped to deal with them (doesn’t make it any easier or happier, though ……..just sayin’!). Here are a few tips on how to handle the tough times.
1) SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE AND LOVING PEOPLE.
This makes a huge difference. I don’t know where I’d be without my girlfriends – seriously! (Women – you know what I’m talking about!) I make a conscious effort to connect with my girlfriends – not only when I’m on the road (by way of texting, Skype, FB and emails, etc.), but also from the moment I get home. They are often my lifeline. Be sure that you have a minimum of 5 loving, positive, nurturing and caring people in your immediate circle. One of my challenges, as a professional speaker, is that while on stage, I can enjoy and absorb the positive vibes and attention from the audience members. Once off stage, though, I’m on my own. People don’t think about that – I do. It’s my life. The beauty of having close friends is that I do have someone to share the ups and downs with. You need that, too. Relationships take work, though, and you need to be prepared to do that work 12 months of the year – not just in December when you may be feeling particularly lonely and broke.
2) REACH OUT AND HELP SOMEONE LESS FORTUNATE.
In the past few years, I have done this in many different ways – from visits to Seniors’ homes, nursing homes, hospital Intensive Care Units (with my grandson with me), through to now……..being of support and service to my girlfriends who are dealing with major health issues. Being of service to others can take your mind off your own problems and really helps to put things in perspective – especially when the focus in December is often on what kind of gift to buy, how much money to spend (tough stuff when you don’t have the cash flow to buy gifts!) You need to give yourself permission to NOT be spending when you don’t have the money. Gift your time! So often these days, when asking people ‘hey, how are you?” – the typical answer is ‘Oh, I’m so busy!” – don’t you be one of those! Stop being that busy – gift your time to someone – a lonely senior, a housebound individual, the child of a single/busy parent, at a food bank – there are many places and many people who just want to be WITH YOU – they don’t want a gift.
3) GET OK WITH BEING ALONE.
Whoa – this can be a tough one for many people. It is something to be practiced, for sure. It has taken me a few years to manage this one – after having been married for 22 years. But it’s important. Get ok with being alone – for short periods at first. It does get easier. One of the most difficult and emotional things for me was (and sometimes IS) coming back from fabulous business trips and coming to an empty house. When I was married, I had 2 adorable little dogs. At a minimum, THEY were always happy to see me! (Many of you know what I mean!) These days, I come home to an empty house. It’s not always easy – it is my lifestyle choice right now – but I’m human, too. The stillness of the house can be overwhelming. It took time for me to adjust to this – and it’s a work in progress. Get ok with it. Get yourself mentally prepared for these occasions. No one said life was going to be easy. Give yourself something to look forward to – for me, it’s often breakfast with friends the next morning.
4) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I do find it of comfort to go to church, to movies, to the malls and even out to dinner by myself now. The key to success is to NOT stay at home and wallow in loneliness. That can be very debilitating. At first, I found it very difficult to be a solopreneur – especially in a new city – where there were no Christmas parties to go to, for example. That can be, and can feel, very lonely and isolating. I’ve learned to create my own ‘events’ – I checked out Christmas events in the local newspapers and then made a point of going to something regularly through the month of December. It might feel awkward at first – but like anything, it gets easier. And there are many events that you can attend for F.R.E.E. No cash flow issues.
5) TAKE THE FOCUS OFF MONEY.
As a new entrepreneur, this can be such a challenging time of year. Of course we want to buy gifts for clients and associates, let alone family members. Of course, we want to go places and be included. Money does touch everything. It’s critical, at this point in time, to take the focus off money. It’s not all about the money – we make it ‘so’. Find ways to show people appreciation other than with a purchased gift. Handwritten thank-you notes are always appreciated – especially when you make an effort to include photos or some personal touch. Running errands for busy people is always welcomed. Taking care of a friend’s children so she can go shopping is a real winner. Get creative – be innovative – get back into your heart.
I do know that Christmas and the month of December can present challenges to many women entrepreneurs. I do know that many of us, especially baby boomers, have suffered the loss of loved ones – which makes the holidays a difficult time. One thing I would encourage you to do is look around – be conscious of people who surround you – there’s always someone who is worse off than us – someone who may be lonelier than you.
Reach Out.
Don’t assume.
Be aware.
Be inclusive.
Don’t always take NO for an answer when extending invitations to people – perhaps they are just ‘being polite’.
Recognize it is a season of LOVE – and not of cash flow.
And, most importantly, stop the comparison game. We are put on this earth to learn to love. This is the perfect time of year to do that. Love, Love, Love!
What is one thing you will do this week to ‘up your joy level’? You have the power! Please share your thoughts!
