Eliminating Toxic People From Your Life

`I am really NOT looking forward to the holiday season`. That`s pretty common language these days from many entrepreneurs as they look ahead to the next few weeks.

It`s fascinating to me to listen to people who LOVE the holiday season but who are already dreading the people who will be showing up at different times. If there`s one thing I have mastered in the past few years, it has been to eliminate the toxic, negative people from my life.

Many of you are getting ready to compromise, AGAIN, and put up with people and behavior that is less than acceptable to you – and to your family. But you do NOT have the courage to do anything about it. Therefore, this year will look, sound and feel just like last year. And next year, it will be a repeat of the same thing.

I only have 2 words to say about that – STOP IT! This is your life and it`s your one and only. This is not a dress rehearsal and it`s time to take charge – not only for you – but consider what it is you are modelling to your children, to your clients, to the people you really care about.

Here`s what worked for me and it can work for you, too – and NOW is the time – not when you are in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner (in the USA) or when you are getting ready to set the table for Christmas dinner.

1. IDENTIFY WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE WITH.
Yup – sit down and make a list of what you want the holidays to look like, feel like and sound like. Take charge. Take control. Be precise – and be clear. NOW is the time. And if not you, then who…?? If not now, then when? Make a list of people who love you, who nurture you and cheer you on, who support you, who make you laugh. THOSE are the people you want to have around you. Then talk to your partner and children about this – and the benefits of taking this approach for the holidays. Talk about the memories you want to create – and the happy times you want to experience.

2. MAKE A LIST OF NAMES OF PEOPLE YOU DO NOT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH.
I’m very serious about this! I remember, very clearly, the Christmas Eve phone call from my mother (across the country) – and it was another one of ‘those calls’ that was negative, demeaning, and hurtful. I had put up with these calls for many years ……why? Because she was my mother. And I know many of you do that, too. Well, on that particular day, I had had enough. I told her that only when, and until, her tone changed and her attitude towards me changed, would I have another call with her. I hung up that night and was estranged from her for about 10 years. I took charge of my life and the energy that surrounded me. Was it difficult? Of course – it was my mother! However, were there benefits to having removed that negativity from my life? Absolutely! (the good news is that we reconnected once I moved to the east coast to start a new life – we had both ‘aged’ and gotten past a lot of the crap that went on in the earlier years – we both made the concerted effort to have a happy, healthy relationship and I was blessed to be with her in her final weeks of life. However ……I am still estranged from other family members who are totally negative and I have no regrets. NONE!) So, make your list – check it twice – and get very clear about the energy suckers in your life. Also discuss this list of names with your partner and children and talk about the consequences of being with this kind of person.

3. TAKE ACTION.
Ensure you take charge and plan on spending time with the positive people. Take charge and minimize your time (if there’s going to be any at all!) with the negative people. It’s your life. You are not forced to spend time with family, relatives, colleagues, team members, ……anyone who brings negativity into your life. It’s your choice! It’s your life.

People ask me all the time if it really is that simple.
Yes.
Yes, it really is.

YOU are the one making this complicated.
YOU are the one tolerating the negativity and then complaining about it.
YOU are the one who can take action and make the changes.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

What step will you take this week?? I’m waiting to hear from you.