Do you have any regrets - #PM34
Hey everyone, it’s Pat Mussieux. Welcome to the Facebook Live today with a very important topic. I’m live from beautiful, sunny London, Ontario in Canada. It’s absolutely great weather that we’re having here; unseasonably warm, which is fabulous.
It’s interesting because this topic came up and this is not what I was going to talk about today. However, as you may have heard me say before, life gives you clues and, when we stop, listen and pay attention, there are messages all around us. I started listening on the weekend and then the clues just got louder and louder, and I am sorry to say that the tragedy in Vegas really brought it all to a head for me. I do send prayers and love out to the victims and their families in Vegas. Such a senseless tragedy indeed, but again, it amplified the need for me to speak to this particular message today, living without regret.
This all started in conversations with some of my friends on the weekend and over the past week or so, actually. I’ve had a lot of people approach me and ask me if I had any regrets about selling my lovely little gem of a house here in Wortley Village in London. It’s very interesting when you hear people’s perspective because this house really was a special little gem. It’s what I called my “healing house.” It’s where I moved when I first came here from Edmonton a number of years ago, after my divorce; me and my trash bag, starting life anew. Then when things got better and I was able to get the house [VIDEO BROKEN UP] the time came to end that.
People are asking me, especially people who spent a lot of time at my house with me, “Don’t you have any regrets because it was such a lovely little home?” No, I have no regrets about that decision and I want to talk to you about the reasons why. I also want to give you a few tips on living without regrets, and I want to share a Facebook post that had been going around for quite a while in the last few years, and it’s an article that was written by a palliative care nurse titled, “5 Regrets of the Dying.” Then I’m going to move you all into a call to action.
No, I have no regrets about selling my house, and it was part of a process. The “healing house” served its purpose. I’ve reached a point in time in my life, in my business, where I knew that it was time for a change. I love change, I embrace change, but there is a process, so when I knew and decided last year, when I turned 65, that I wanted change in my life, I started the process. For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you know that one of the things that means a lot to me, no matter where I am around the world, are sunsets. I love sunsets and I was coming to the conclusion that why am I traveling to find a lovely sunset? There are sunsets right here at home, but where are they? I can’t see them from my little house.
I had a little one-story house and I was surrounded by two-story houses and big trees in Wortley Village, so I could see glimmers of pink in the sky, so I knew it was happening, but I made a decision for me, as my life goes on and the years pass, I wanted sunsets every day, so I also knew I wanted to stay in the village because this is a lovely place to live. I started the search. Here’s the process.
First of all, I decided what I wanted. The big challenge for many of you and why many people live with regret is because you haven’t figured out what you want, and for many people, they get a sense because perhaps of social media or TV, or all that’s going on, that what we want needs to be grandiose, when in fact it doesn’t. So for me, it’s the small things that mean the most. I’ve laid out my plan for the next five years, so this started last August when I turned 65, and I laid out the vision for what I wanted for my life over the next five years, one of which is sunsets every night.
The second one is actually a process or a practice, and that was to simplify my life. The action was to write down what I want. As I said, many of you get stuck on that because you can’t figure out what you want, so start with this. Start making a list of the things you know you don’t want anymore. That tends to be easier for people that I talk to. “I don’t want this, I don’t want that.” I could have listed that I don’t want to be cleaning snow off my car anymore. The last weekend in my house, I was hanging clothes outside, which I love. I was looking over the clothesline and I saw the fence that needed to be repaired. I went back in the house and I saw the kitchen that needed to be renovated. It was very interesting and easy for me to start the list of what I didn’t want. That’s what I would encourage you to do to start with if, in fact, you haven’t figured out what you want in your life.
Then I encourage you to Google a life-balance wheel. There are many versions on Google. Just to trigger some thoughts. I start with a life-balance wheel, I figure out what I want in my life in the areas of physical health, relationships, money, savings accounts, retirement, vacations, my business, the type of client I want, and so I start to look at what is current reality and what do I want to have different? What do I want to have look and feel different? And travel is a big part of for me too.
What do I want? I start with the life-balance wheel. I move three categories onto a vision board. So I got very clear with respect to the kind of home or the kind of place where I wanted to live. I ended up choosing a high-rise apartment. The village is here, my house was over here, the apartment is over here, so I’m still in the village area. I looked around at a number of different apartments because I knew that I wanted the southwest exposure, I wanted a lot of windows, and I wanted a two-bedroom apartment so I have a home office. I knew that I wanted a fitness facility in the building. I wanted access to downtown. I just started. I had a very clear list of what I wanted. I didn’t know where I’d find it, but it starts with knowing what you want before you can recognize that it exists.
Many of you will stop, again, at the fact that you don’t know what you want. Secondly, you stop at the whole process in your mind of how are you going to get there or where am I going to find it? That doesn’t matter. You start with what you want first. I made the list and then I started the search, then as I found places and narrowed my search, I was going check, check, check, check, check, and in fact landed here in this beautiful, bright place with big, bright windows, a sunset every night, and it changes every night, and I’ve become annoyingly happy to all of my friends because that is my right of passage every night.
I make my tea, I go out on the balcony, I’m in the moment, and that’s part of what I wanted in my life, to stop, breathe, be in the moment, and to enjoy what is around me. Many of you, you’re either stuck in your devices, you have your face down, or you’re still working into the wee hours, or whatever is taking up your time and your energy. It’s really important to identify what you want and be in the moment.
This was, again, so magnified for me when I woke up yesterday to the news of what happened in Vegas. There are many people, I’m sure, who are sitting back thinking, “I wish I could have gone to the concert,” or they were at the concert and unfortunately, that was their last day on Earth. Don’t let this be your last day on Earth and have regrets. Don’t let that happen to you. You have the power to make change with what you want and you can start with the little things.
Vanessa, you get stuck balancing what you want and what your kids want. Listen, I am the first one to say that yes, we can have everything in life because there are so many opportunities. Absolutely. You just can’t have them all at the same time. I raised step-kids too, so I was not gallivanting around the world. Well, I kind of was with my work, but that took a toll on my marriage. At certain times in life, for sure. My point in this whole conversation is what you have control over right now.
I’ve learned something really brilliant from my mentor, Larry Winget. If you saw my post yesterday, you see it was his birthday. I learned from Larry Winget that when we think and say to ourselves, “So and so is so important,” it might be your kids, it might be your friends, it might be your family, and certain items are so important, he has a simple statement. Look at your calendar and look at your checkbook or your bank account. Whatever is happening there, that’s what you’ve identified to be really important to you. That is your truth. No matter what you’re thinking or what you’re saying, look at reality.
On my calendar, you can bet that time with friends is in there. Let me go back to the vision board. On the vision board last January, I clipped out a picture and I put the words on there, and it was four girls and a weekend. All I knew, in the big scheme of things, is that I wanted to go away for a weekend sometime this year, somewhere. I didn’t have any details. It didn’t matter, but I knew in my heart that’s part of what I wanted for this year. I’m heading out this week, it’s my third weekend away where I’ll be with four women. Three times. That was not part of the vision or the plan, but my gosh, it is part of the blessing. So there’s no regrets there.
That’s part of it. Google the balance wheel, take a look at your reality – where are you in your life in the different areas? Choose three areas, get very clear on what you want and, again, don’t make it grandiose. Keep it simple. I wanted sunsets. I wanted bright lights, I wanted lots of windows, I wanted a fairly new building, I wanted indoor parking. I’m very clear. I put my name on the list last year, and then I started the process at my house of purging. I started the process of getting myself into my new place, clearing the energy. I didn’t bring half of what I own. I purged and gave away a lot because I wanted a fresh, new start for this chapter in my life, about which I am very excited, and you can be too, so do not live with regret.
One of my friends posted on Facebook this morning a picture of a woman on a motorcycle. She had words to the effect of vision for 2018. I said, “Wait a minute. That’s not something that’s complicated. This is something you can create now. Why are you waiting for 2018?” Tomorrow is promised to no one. It’s promised to no one, so take charge of your life today and then be sure to fill in your gratitude journal every night.
Let me share with you pieces of the article that that nurse in palliative care wrote. It was called “5 Regrets of the Dying.”
- I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me.
Those of you who know my story, for years I was in a marriage where I compromised left, right and center. I lost sight of who I was, my soul was dying, and I knew I needed to make a tough decision to get on with my life the way I knew I could create it, or stay in that life and just continue to dye within. There are many people walking around who are already dead. I want to live my best life, and that take courageous decisions sometimes. That was actually the number one regret of the dying, that they did not have the courage to live the life true to themselves. How are you doing with that?
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Here’s what I notice. As a business coach, I see many of you working “hard,” but you’re not working smart, and there’s a difference there. I worked hard too. I’ve worked very hard over the last few years to create the life I’m living now. Yes, I put in long hours. Yes, I put in weekends, but I have a plan. Many entrepreneurs fail to create the business they want, they fail to create the life they want because they don’t have a plan.
I had a plan, and now I’m living the result of that plan. Yes, there are times, there are days, there are seasons, there are projects where we must give it our all, but where that’s indefinite and perhaps infinite for many of you, that will become a regret, so take charge of that now and take a look at how you’re doing things.
- I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.
Again, as I started off with this Facebook Live and I said to you, there were messages coming to me all weekend. A good friend of mine in Vancouver, and I’m going to mention his name because you can go to his Facebook page and have a look at his video. He posted it Saturday night or Sunday morning. His name is Darren Jacklin. He had been through a workshop and a process Saturday night, so I think it was Sunday night he posted while he was walking in the woods. He was talking about developing and building the courage to express his feelings, and how, up to this point in his life he had not done that and how he regretted it. Again, this is the number three regret of the dying, “I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.”
I’m getting much better at that. I grew up in a French-Canadian Catholic military home. There were no feelings expressed, believe me, so this is a learned behavior, and I’ve learned how to do it. I do it each and every day. That is something you may want to give consideration to as well.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I’m a really good connector and I know it. That’s a gift I have and it’s something I take seriously, and my friends have been my lifeline. They have been my lifesaver from the time through my marriage, my separation, my divorce, moving here to London across the country where I felt very isolated and very alone. My girlfriends, oh my gosh. So I make time for my friends. It’s a priority. Go back to what Larry Winget said, “Check your calendar, check your bank account.” What’s on your calendar?
For those of you who are thinking yes, I’m going to call that person or I’m going to connect with that person, do it today. It takes two minutes. Pick up the phone, send a text message. Connect with your friends. Let them know that they matter. Let them know that you see them, that you hear them, that you care about them. Connect with your friends. That’s the number four regret of the dying, “I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.”
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I don’t wish that anymore. I made the courageous decision to leave the marriage, to leave my home, to walk out with virtually nothing, move across the country, start all over at age 58, so don’t be telling me it’s too late. Don’t be telling me that. I started all over at 58 and I have created an amazing life with clear vision, with confidence, with clarity, with hard work, with diligence, focus, a circle of friends, and my faith.
Those were the five regrets of the dying. When we stop and think about it, and look back, look at what happened in Vegas. Look at some of what’s going on in the areas that were hit by the floods, people who have lost everything. You can lose everything. I made the choice to leave everything, but I still had a dream in my heart, I had belief in my head, and I knew that I could recreate. We, as human beings, are very powerful, but none of that will happen until you figure out what you want and get the courage to go after it starting today.
When it comes down to business, I know that fear is a big part of business for people, and you may end up regretting not having made that call to be of service to someone. You may end up regretting not going to that event or not writing that book, or not whatever, fill in the blank. I want to help you with that.
You have one opportunity left this year to see me live. Come behind closed doors with me for a day-and-a-half to learn these techniques and many more when it comes to creating your best life and creating your best business. I’m going to be in Syracuse October 17th and 18th. I want you to come and spend time with me. I dare you. Come and spend time with me and learn these techniques. These are not complicated. I do not believe in complicating anything, so go to the link http://mindsetmarketingandmoney.com. I’m going to gift you today with $100 off the registration fee. Put in code WEALTH and you’ll get a gift off the registration fee.
Come and spend time with me. Let me help you so I can share the techniques that have worked for me. I’m 66 and I’m just getting warmed up. My focus is absolutely health, wealth and happiness, and I want some of that for you so that you too are living a life without regret.
Feel free to post your comments. Please do share this because other people will benefit from this message, and leave your comments or questions below. I’ll be happy to answer them. I’ll monitor it for a little while, but please do hit share. More importantly, come and see me in Syracuse. It will be an amazing day-and-a-half that I know will be life-changing for you.
Thanks for being here. See you again soon. Bye everyone.