Queen of Compromise
I know you’re wondering about the trash bag. But before we go there we should talk about what got me to that point.
I know you’ve compromised in your life. We all do. But all those compromises add up, moment by moment, taking us further and further from our dreams and even our simplest expectations.
I was the Queen of Compromise.
In my marriage, his dreams came before mine. With my stepchildren, their wishes ruled the day. In my business, I filled my time with less-than-ideal clients. With my finances, I accepted less than I was worth.
As I grew more and more distant from my true self, drama in my life reached almost tragic proportions.
When I had a decade of experience in my career and began growing in leaps and bounds through independent work in mindset training and facilitation for The Pacific Institute, I made the ultimate compromise.
I traded that amazing work environment and experiences for a local JOB (with a capital J) in an effort to save my marriage by being home every night and focusing on marriage counseling.
EPIC fail. Enough said.
So that’s when I found myself, walking out of my 22-year marriage with the equivalent of my life in a trash bag.
I made a decision to take responsibility. I made a decision to take responsibility for my personal happiness. I made a decision to take responsibility for my financial situation. I made a decision to take responsibility for my life.
These were tough decisions involving loss. I left behind my dream home and 2 precious little dogs for a furnished basement apartment. I was quite close to my dying father-in-law, and over the next few years I lost both my in-laws, my best friend to cancer, a premature grandson, and supported my stepson and daughter-in-law throughout the long-term hospitalization of my other infant (twin) grandson.
I wasn’t compromising anymore. I began taking the steps towards a new life – a transformation and re-invention – and started with a Vision Board that included, among other things, LOTS of travel destinations that I never would have experienced in my old life (with my ex-husband).
I never dreamed I would be the one to travel the world by private jet…
At the end of this painful and most difficult period – during which my life, my relationships and that J.O.B. were falling away – I decided to leave the West coast and move across the country – to a city where I knew no one, had no contacts, no clients, no business.
I had a dream. I had a vision. I would step back into the work I believe I am here to do – Speaking and Coaching.
Before he passed away, my father-in-law generously helped me to buy a condo so that I would have a proper roof over my head. In the process of selling that condo, I saw a sign. A real sign – a flyer, in fact! – that advertised a great deal for a trip around the world via private jet. Here was my ideal opportunity to visit ten amazing countries in just one month!
So off I went. It was a HUGE step. I knew that when I returned from the trip I’d be returning to a new city and begin the road to new friends, new clients and a new business.
(Little did I know, at that time, I would be back on that private jet to travel around the world two more times. Pinch me!)
Identifying What and Who is Really Important in Life
Walking away from my ex-husband was a lesson in learning to stop compromising. At age 55, when I made the move, it was a lesson in embracing fear!
By moving to the East Coast, one of the blessings was to reconnect with my mother, from whom I had been estranged for over 10 years. The estrangement happened in a time when I made a conscious decision to improve the quality of my life – and remove toxic people from my ‘circle’.
My mother was one of those people. That was the right decision at that time. But when I made the decision to leave my marriage and my husband, my mother was one of the first people to phone me and offer support.
I knew then that when I made the big move to my new life that my mother, who then (at age 82) lived just 4 hours north of where I was located, was as open to reconciling as I was going to be.
There was no fear – no tension – no stress – no barriers. I stepped into this renewed relationship with as much energy and enthusiasm as I had for my new life. We connected in a way that had not ever existed between us and that strong bond existed to the day she died two years ago. What a blessing for me!
The first year of my new life was extremely lonely and difficult since I had no friends, no clients, and no contacts.(It was just me and ‘Ben and Jerry’!)
But I was EVOLVING all the while.
FROM BROKE TO JUST UNDER $1M IN LESS THAN 6 YEARS…
I built the new business I’d dreamed of, without compromise. I’ve been nominated, for the past 3 years, for the Canadian Woman Entrepreneur of the Year award and have won 4 STEVIE Awards for Women in Business …….these are like the Oscars in the world of business! (Gold in the Category of Female Entrepreneur of the Year in Canada for 2012, Bronze for Female Entrepreneur of the Year in Canada for 2013, GOLD for Female Executive of the Year in Canada for 2014, and Bronze for Female Entrepreneur of the Year in Canada for 2015).
I’ve hosted my own local radio show for 4 years and now host a live talk show on local TV interviewing successful women entrepreneurs and sharing their stories.
I’ve written 3 books – the latest of which is ‘Stop Compromising and Make All the Money You Want! A Do-It-Yourself Guide for Starting Up and Starting Over.’ My next book ‘Business Gets Better When YOU Get Better – How to Change Yourself to Change Your Results’ will be released in the summer of 2017.
I am now living a rewarding and fulfilling life that is supported by the business I created. My message to you is this:
- Life is short
- This is not a dress rehearsal
- If I can do this, so can you